Jokes
Christmas Jokes for the Whole Family
Christmas jokes are meant to make people groan and laugh at the same time, just like the ones inside a Christmas cracker. Here are 30 clean jokes for kids, grown-ups and the whole dinner table.
Read them out between courses, slip them into lunchboxes or write your own cracker slips for a homemade touch.
Classic Christmas cracker jokes
- What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.
- Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks.
- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis.
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles.
- What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.
- What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia.
- Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho, ho, ho.
- What's the most popular wine at Christmas? "I don't like Brussels sprouts!"
Christmas jokes for kids
- What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas? Sandy Claws.
- What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow.
- How does a snowman get around? He rides an icicle.
- What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.
- Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
- What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
Christmas puns
- What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.
- Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim.
- What did the gingerbread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
- How do Christmas angels greet each other? "Halo!"
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- What do you call Frosty the Snowman in July? A puddle.
- Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered.
Christmas knock-knock jokes
- Knock knock. Who's there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use, I forgot my key again!
- Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's freezing out here!
- Knock knock. Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas!
- Knock knock. Who's there? Yule log. Yule log who? Yule log the door after you let me in, won't you?
- Knock knock. Who's there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
- Knock knock. Who's there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? Doughnut open until Christmas!
To make homemade crackers, print these jokes on small slips, roll each one inside a cardboard tube with a paper hat and a tiny treat, and wrap the tube in tissue paper twisted at both ends. Cracker snaps can be bought separately if you want the bang.
Frequently asked questions
What is the funniest Christmas joke?
Favorites include "What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph" and "What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia." The best ones get a groan and a laugh at the same time.
What are Christmas cracker jokes?
They're short, pun-based jokes printed on slips of paper inside Christmas crackers, a tradition popular in the UK, Ireland, Australia and Canada. They're meant to be corny so everyone groans together.
What is a good Christmas joke for kids?
Try "What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas? Sandy Claws" or "What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet." Simple wordplay works best for young children.
Who invented the Christmas cracker?
London confectioner Tom Smith is credited with inventing the Christmas cracker in the 1840s, first wrapping sweets with a motto and later adding the snap, paper hats and small gifts.